I Made A Mistake
“C’mon, I made a mistake, there has to be a way to fix this.” Lucielle pleaded to the social worker sitting across from her at the desk., “the child I put up for adoption, I just want him back, I thought I wasn’t ready, but now I am”, she was now crying in her hands. The social worker stared at Lucille emotionless with cold eyes.
“Her, you want her back,” this caused Lucielle to pause her crying and look up in confusion, “your child is a girl, not a boy,” the cold woman continued, “and children are not books in a library, you can’t just check one out then return when you are ready”, she said all this without any tone in her voice.
“I’m sorry, I just, I just need my daughter back,” the sound of desperation dragged in every word of that plea. Lucielle was desperate, she was desperate because she went through the same miserable experience that she just put her daughter through. Lucielle's mother had her at such a young age that she could not provide for her and her family. Lucielle went from foster home to foster home and each home was just as terrible as the last. The worst part was with each move to foster homes the further Lucielle was away from her mother. Eventually, she forgot what her mother looked like, then sounded like, then it was as if any memory of her mother was erased from Lucielle’s mind completely. Lucielle cannot do that to her daughter, she cannot have history repeat itself.
“Like mother like daughter I see..” the social worker lady said this with a little giggle, which naturally made Lucielle angry, “and plus if you were not ready a couple of years, what makes you think you are ready now?” the lady questioned.
Lucielle hated everything about this woman, but she cannot help but replay that question. What made her ready? Was it because she’s trying to compromise for her mother’s absence? Did she miss her daughter? Then Lucille remembered seeing her daughter for the first time and she could not help but let it all out.
“Because I love her,” Lucielle said with confidence, “I know that I barely saw her, but the moment I saw that child, I knew that I would take a bullet for her,” she paused and released a breath as if the breath was her last, “I know you probably judge girls like me who had children but cannot provide for them, but as I said earlier, I am ready now. I’ve changed. I am no longer with my daughter’s father, I have a job now, please I can prove it to me and you if you let me get the chance”, she said in a whisper, but the plea was still as loud as ever. This causes the lady to gain some sympathy she actually showed some emotions. The lady stared at Lucielle for a while then eventually spoke
“Well, I cannot give you your child”, this statement causes Lucielle to throw her hands up in frustration and she started to pace back and forth, “But since you are now eighteen, I can call the foster home and tell them that you would like to visit your daughter… and,” Lucielle’s eyes were glued on the lady and she looked at the lady as if she was God after she said that statement, “maybe you can take it to court to regain custody over your daughter.” Lucille couldn’t help but jump up in the excitement
The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. Lucielle spent as much time with her daughter as she could and was there until the last second of visiting hours. Lucielle could tell the foster homeowner was getting tired of seeing Lucielle like how a struggling person hates getting a call about paying their bills, but she could not help it. Lucielle never told her daughter who she really was, she did not want her world to collapse down on her so fast
“How can you say that you are ready for her if you can’t even tell her who you really are?’ the owner snapped at Lucielle one time. Lucielle was dumbfounded because she did not know the answer herself and the thoughts raced across her mind again like the Indy 500, but Lucielle found the confidence to tell her daughter one day.
The day started out like the regular routine, it was Saturday so Lucielle did not have to worry about school or work, the day was all about her daughter. Lucielle pulled up to the foster home and had toy dinosaurs as a present for her daughter. Lucielle’s daughter was unique like that, she did not like the Barbie or Bratz dolls that any other girls her age liked, she was into Jurassic Park and any other dinosaur movie out there. Lucille checked in and as she went up to her daughter she could see her face light up like a Christmas tree.
“Triceratop, Stegosaurus, and… huh… a T-REX!”, the two-year-old exclaimed out of excitement, “these were the last ones in my collection. Thank you, Ms. Catherine”. Lucielle concealed her real identity and said she was a private teacher for her daughter and that she is there to help. Lucielle’s daughter always questioned her about how young she was as a teacher and Lucielle always responded with, “that’s what happens when you properly moisturize and stay out of the sun”, this made her daughter laugh which made Lucielle laugh, she loved to see her daughter laugh and smile, it means that she is enjoying her childhood which is something Lucielle was deprived of.
“You’re welcome Mitchie”. This is when Lucielle realized that this will be harder than she thinks.
“Sooo. what are we going to be learning about today?” Mitchie asked this while looking at Lucielle. Lucielle looked at those big brown eyes and hair as long as the sea and could not believe that she was about to change this young girl’s life.
“ Well...the thing is Mitchie… I’m not a teacher,” Lucielle could barely look at her daughter, but she knew she had to in order for her to be authentic.
“What?! I knew it you’re way too young,” Mitchie stood up as she said this, “what are you.. Are you a spy?! That is so cool, what’s your mission? Oh, wait you can’t tell me right because it’s a secret right?” Mitchie said this with very vibrant gestures. Lucielle was amazed at her imagination, she must have gotten that from her father.
“No Mitchie actually I’m...I’m,” Lucielle had a lump in her throat. How could Lucielle do this? How can she be this selfish? Was it to prove to herself that she is a good mother or is does she actually think that she can provide a better life for this girl?
“I’m..” Lucielle hesitated even more.
“C’mon spit it out,” Mitchie said with a smile
“I’m your mother,” said Lucielle in an almost whisper as if it was a secret. Mitchie stepped back in a stunned state. You can read on Mitchie’s face that she did not know what to do- well, neither does Lucielle- what can she do now?
“I’m sorry ok? I just didn’t know how to tell you and it looked like you had a better life here and I didn’t want to ruin-” Lucielle started but was interrupted by the most unexpected thing ever. A hug. A hug from her two-year-old daughter was not the reaction that she expected. Lucielle was confused and you could tell by the reaction that was plastered on her face.
“What... what’s this. You’re not mad?” Lucille question. Mitchie took a step back from her mother.
“ I have been waiting to hear someone tell me that,” This brought a tear of joy to Lucielle’s eyes, and this time she initiated the hug with her daughter, “I love you, mom,” Mitchie said as the embrace got tighter and Lucielle realized that she needs to give her daughter a better life than her mother gave her… Because she deserves it, she deserves everything.
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